Q: Is it true you are going to meet with Jane Fonda?
A: Yes, I am going to her buffalo ranch to discuss a new organization. IRAQ Veterans Against the War.
It worked once and will work again. I have seen atrocities, women killed, children killed, heads cut
off , and the indiscriminate murder of civilians.
Q: But Senator, it’s the terrorist doing all that, not the U.S. military.
A: We don’t know that, they wear masks.
Q: Senator, why Jane Fonda?
A: She recently separated from Ted Turner. He’s a multi-billionaire. Jane is currently worth only
about 600 million so we will need to see what her settlement is. Currently we are only in the fact
finding stage.
Q: It is rumored you are now acknowledging your Jewish ancestry. Is this a problem because of
your Anti-Israel positions?
A: Yes, I am Jewish. I will also be Irish, Scottish, German and French as needed. The Jewish vote is
very important to me. Shalom.
Q: Have you ever been in a Synagogue?
A: Not yet. We are negotiating with Jewish leaders right now. The beanie thing is a stumbling block.
Q: Is that because of your rather large.... never mind.
Q: You consistently defend your changing positions on the war, taxes, health care and just about
every other thing you voted for in your twenty-year senate career by saying you were misinformed.
How can the American people trust you to make good decisions?
A: I have been the victim of evil republican spin-doctors. Now I am listening to many world leaders
through out the world who are ready to serve. They all support me.
Q: When people talk about your judgment. How do you explain dating Courtney Love?
A: Simply another fact finding mission. She did not pass the test. I think she was only in the
low seven digit range. Now that Curt Cobain is dead we will revisit her after the campaign.
Q: You said that you would only use force against terrorist if we pass a “Global Test”. What countries
will you ask permission from if you need to deploy troops?
A: Of course I will not be asking permission. I will have summits and negotiate the appropriate response
with our allies. In fact I hope to have us join the World Court so we can make it legal and that the
court can oversee the punishment for the atrocities our troops will commit. I will work closely
with our friends in France. After all they gave the world one of the greatest military leaders of all
times, Napoleon.
Q: But Senator, wasn’t Napoleon Corsican not French?
A: We are all Frenchmen underneath.
Q: What have you been doing in the Senate?
A: I am proud to say I have been working with the U.S. Postal Servive to issue a new stamp
in honor of our Muslim voters, I mean friends. We want to educate the American people
about the history of the muslim religion. It is our way of saying thanks.
Q: What about a little Christmas Stamp?
A: My god man! That would be offensive and just plain wrong.
holiday season with a commemorative first class holiday postage stamp.
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