Harvest Mouse

Me

I may infest your house but worst case is drinking your beer. Might chew some paint chips.

Mouse will infest you house and chew your insulation.

Hate kids

They breed prodigiously

Mostly I just lay around and watch TV. Really, I am very quiet.

Gets in your ceiling and scampers.

They smell bad.

I generally smell good

Have large front teeth that need to be worn down by gnawing on wood.

Good dental work, does not gnaw.

Good job. No benefits yet, but I am sure Obama will come through.

No visible means of support.

I should be able to get by with maybe 3 million. That's only 10% of the mouse cost. (Remember, that's with no scampering! If you want me to scamper, I will certainly do it for a small additional fee.)

Cost taxpayers 30 million dollars to protect.

Cannot protect themselves.

Have a number of weapons at my disposal. Good shot and have a 300,000 volt Taser. Once this 300lbs fat guy cut in front of me in a movie line and I turned him into a blubbering mass. Hey, it was the new Batman movie at the IMAX.

Cannot drive

Have a provincial license and am willing to make beer runs.

SPECIAL BONUS

For every 100 dollars received, I will squish a Harvest Mouse and throw its    carcass on Nancy Pelosi's front lawn.

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