In a marathon 15-town campaign visit to the state of Iowa, Senator Kerry shocked a crowd of local Huskbellie residents. The Senator visited the city fair grounds where the Cornhusk Celebration was in progress. Kerry took to the main stage and declared himself a “Paranormal Psychic”. He proceeded to
pick people from the crowd and tell their fortunes. His daughter looked on with concern when the Senator told her that she was the reincarnated soul of Billy Spankler, a local WWI veteran hero. Spankler passed away in 1995 at the age of 98. His wife, Betty is still alive and a resident of a local nursing home. When asked about the remarks the Senator made she said “He’s a damn fool, his daughter was born in 1981.
How could she be Billy?”
In another strange campaign twist, Teresa Kerry again returned to Tinkponia, Iowa and was seen wandering around a local mall. Mrs. Kerry was photographed outside the Target store with what
is reported to be a stolen pen. The store manage, Kyle Stubin, reported that a pen was indeed missing
but declined to say that the Senators wife stole it. Stubin also said. “She has enough money to buy the store I can’t believe she would have taken a $1.99 pen.” Teresa also made what appeared to be a Latino gang gesture as she quickly exited the Target store. A Kerry spokesperson denied Teresa stole the pen but did state that the Senators wife has great affection for members of the Latino community.
In a late breaking story it is being reported that Senator Kerry accidentally dropped a large pumpkin on a small boy who resides in Porkolia. The youngster was at a Pumpkin Patch with his family to participate in a Halloween scavenger hunt. Presidential candidate John Kerry was also in Porkolia and his bus stopped at the Pumpkin Patch so Kerry could expound on his commitment to pumpkin tree farmers. The Senator lifted the 82-pound pumpkin and was trying to hold it over his head to show the excited crowd of over 30 Porkolia residents. The pumpkin slipped and reportedly fell on the young boy. Kerry was whisked away by the Secret Service when the boy’s father started to make threatening advances. The Kerry spokesperson has reported that the Pumpkin slip was due to a war wound. It was also reported the small boy is in stable condition.