Senator John Kerry resumed his campaign in this small rural farming community. The candidate visited a small farm co-op for big city under privileged youths. He expounded on the virtues of farming and recalled the time in his life when he was a farmer. As he spoke he said. “Look and the results of good down to earth American farming. By golly, this is the largest cantaloupe I have ever seen. Let’s see the Chinese grow something like this.” The young boys who were watching the Senator just looked on. Later, after the Senator left, one young man said. “I’m in this Podunk town because the judge said it was either this or jail. Who was that guy?” Spokesman, Hubert Binkey, said “We know it was a basketball. The Senator was implying that Americans could grow cantaloupes that big if the Bush administration would stop exporting our seed technology overseas. It was a metaphor.”
The Kerry campaign swung east after Iowa and landed in the Big Apple. After a 3.5-hour speech on his exploits in Viet Nam, the Senator took time out to direct traffic on the busy 5th avenue thoroughfare. The Senator asked a passing police officer, “How am I doing chief?” Without breaking stride the officer said. “Great, but we don’t need traffic control on a one-way street.” A haggard looking Kerry spokesman, Hubert Binkey, replied to this reporter. “Just shut the hell up!”
After the Kerry entourage left for New York, Teresa Kerry was photographed looking through a window of a house belonging to Tinkponia resident Mildred Klemp The retired Mrs. Klemp snapped a picture and then asked her in. She gave Teresa cookies and tea. “The poor dear looked bewildered and acted confused. She kind of just stared at the TV and ate all the cookies. I was just watching The Family Feud and saw her peeking in. She seemed to like the new “Feud” host but I like that Richard Dawson better.” The Kerry camp declined to comment but the Kerry-Edwards Jet soon took off from Kennedy airport.
In an unrelated event the Kerry campaign manager said that they were in the process of interviewing for a new press Spokesperson. It is rumored that Hubert Binkey left the staff to resume a career as a political science teacher in his hometown high school. A Binkey family member said that Hubert was suffering a mild depression and needed to get home.