Today the Kerry campaign met with local farm workers and discussed changes the candidate wants to make in the Agriculture Department. The first 1.5 hours of the speech was going well until the Senator started to reminisce about his days as a 18-wheeler driver, hauling manure. The crowd fell silent as Kerry made engine sounds and showed them how he gripped the wheel. Farm worked Bill Lewellen stated. “The candidate had my vote until this incident occurred. Hell, his sounds of downshifting were terrible.” Spokesman, Hubert Binkey, said that it was part of the Senator's plan to reinvent himself for the last weeks of the campaign. He also stated that in the upcoming Vice Presidential debates that Senator Edwards would be a fireman.
The National Enquirer is planning on doing some type of expose on the private lives of Senators Kerry and Edwards. No statements as to the stories contents have been put forward at this time. Sources have been able to uncover some photos that will be used but again we have no other information as to what they mean or where they were taken.
In this small town often called the “Feeder Pig Capital of the World“, Senator Kerry’s campaign took a new twist. During the rally called “Hog Farmers for Kerry“, the Senator again changed his image. Hog farmer Don Ludinski had this to say. “Kerry came out on stage with rock music playing and he jumped all over the place. His speech was given with some weird loud music playing. It did kind of rhyme. I think it was some of that British music done by that Mike Jager.” Other reports were that most of the people left when the Senator tried to get the farmers to do the wave.
While the candidate was speaking at a rally here in Porkolia, Teresa Kerry also spoke at a Civil War Reenactment Woman’s Auxiliary group. The women, whose average age is well over 60, expected a short small talk by Teresa but were shocked when she opened with this statement. “I think it is time that a woman becomes Pope”. She then gave a 2-hour talk that seemed disjointed and rambling. The speech was closed to the press but a woman, Ida Thumpkin, said this. “I couldn’t understand most of what she said except the Pope thing. I also think she blessed us at the end. That was kind of sweet but we’re all Lutherans here.” The Kerry campaign declined to comment on the speech but stated, “Teresa is a strong woman with strong independent views.”
