In an effort to rebound in the polls and to defuse some of the Republican gains from the New York convention, John Kerry hit the campaign trail. Normally, during an opponent’s national convention, presidential candidates have a gentleman's agreement to take the week off. Kerry spokesman, Albert Dinkler, had this statement:
“The Senator is very displeased with the republican parties attacks on his character, voting record, Vietnam service, his statements about the President, swift boat adds and his changing positions on popular issues. He will continue to campaign while the President has his convention. The Senator will reinvent himself for the remaining weeks until the election.”
After this statement, the Senator took the stage and performed a magic, Ball “O” Fire, trick. Most of the people in the audience looked on with awe when the Senator conjured up what appeared to be a flaming sphere. Teresa and John Edwards looked concerned and clutched each other off stage.
Today in a campaign stop in the small town of Buttowski, Iowa, Senator Kerry appeared to have suffered some type of mental breakdown. After his 3.5-hour speech on how he won the Vietnam War, the Senator was shaking hands and meeting the town’s people. An unidentified woman handed Kerry her baby and the Senator inexpertly threw it. The baby appears unharmed with only minor bruising. The mother was not identified but she is reported to be in the local hospital under sedation.
Alvin Winker was an eyewitness and told this story: “I was zoning out for the last hour or two of the speech. My boss said I had to come or I’d have to work overtime. Well, at the end, when people were coming up to shake hands, this lady handed him her kid. The Senator seemed to be ok but then started looking around and then he yelled and just chucked the kid. The mom freaked and fainted. The kid was
kind of a chub and he seemed to bounce, so I don’t think he was hurt too bad. I think Kerry yelled
“IN COMING” when he flipped. After that he just kind of hunkered down behind the podium and looked around. I think he had a flashback or something. I did see a China lady in line to shake his hand and maybe he thought he was back in Nam or something.”
The Kerry spokesman released this statement. “The Senator did not throw a Baby! The baby leaped out of his hands. He was wounded in Vietnam and received three Purple Hearts. His hands sometimes loose their strength because of his wounds. The Senator said he is sorry that it appears that he threw the baby but notes that “Leaping Child Syndrome” is something he will fight to cure. Teresa will start a foundation or something. Mrs. Kerry states that someone may have shoved the Senator. Kerry also said. “The throwing of babies is not condoned by this candidate. My opponent may throw babies but I am reporting for duty and will give the people hope. Medals can seem to be thrown but sometimes the throwing of them is not what it seems, unlike babies."
Today in a rural classroom of Corn Meal Elementary School, Teresa Kerry met with the third grade class of Miss Becky Thingle. Miss Thingle was quite shocked when Teresa Heinz Kerry gave a Martial Arts demonstration instead of a speech. “I thought she was going to tell the children about growing up in Mozambique and her time in South Africa. I don’t understand what happened here.”
Teresa demonstrated about 12 deadly martial arts moves ending with the Pelican move that was made famous by the film “The Karate Kid”. She made many strange sounds but we do not know if it was some foreign language or a karate yell. As the candidate’s wife left the school, she hissed at the reporters and made another Martial Arts gesture.
